Brick Wall of Love

The spring of 2004 was a massive pivot point in my life. I drove two days in increasingly icy, snowy, and foggy conditions across unfamiliar terrain. My destination was the International House of Prayer in Kansas City, Missouri. Less than a week later a demon was cast out of me and I began seeing Jesus in multiple visions both awake and asleep. Being rather ignorant as I was at the time of the spiritual world, I assumed others were having the same types of experiences that I was. So, I did not feel the need to share any of these experiences with anyone. But, I am revamping this blog so I thought I would start from the beginning.

There really isn't anything a person can do when God decides to show you a vision. It does not even matter if you like the vision or not. You don't get to pick and choose them. I don't even remember ever praying to see visions from God. They just started happening during a time when I thought those visions meant I was going crazy. In fact, I did not even believe God spoke to humans via visions any more. That was just for the apostles and prophets of the Bible. And, according to my Mom I could not even be one of God's chosen people because I wasn't born into that society. I was only about 9 at the time.

I've had visions from God ever since I was a minority kid growing up in a rather low to middle income neighborhood. We did not have a lot but one thing no one could take away from me was my imagination... It was my retreat from the pain and loneliness of my environment.

Having been brought up in the Lutheran church, I was taught the normal things like God loves you. You can pray or talk with Him, etc. So as an ignorant kid, I did. Talk to Him, that is. I would ask Him questions like are you real? If you are real would you make a rabbit in the clouds? Yep, He made a rabbit in the clouds rather instantly as I had been watching the clouds when I asked the question. That rather freaked me out. I got up off the grass just then and walked straight into the house where I could not see any clouds. TV became my retreat.

A few years after seeing a rabbit in the clouds, I was standing outside our church on Easter Sunday admiring a large white cross that was wrapped with chicken wire so people could bring flowers to decorate the cross. As I watched them, I said to myself, "How could God love me when no one else did." That really isn't a question you want to ask unless you are prepared to get an answer. Needless to say, I wasn't prepare for the reply.

A flood of love hit my entire being. It was so strong that it knocked me backwards when I was standing still by myself. There were no words that could be understood. Just a brick wall of love. I call it a brick wall because that is what it felt like when it hit. Massive power shoved into my heart. But, I was just a teenager who still did not understand that God was trying to reach my dull heart.

Some time later, I was in my back yard this time praying and asking God questions again. I distinctly remember asking Him what my husband would look like and a portrait of the man's face hung in mid air right in front of me. God sealed up the vision that same day as I completely rejected it. I was too terrified I would be locked up in a loony bin if anyone found out about the vision. It was a couple years after I was married when God showed me the same vision again. The face in the vision was actually my husband Harley. When I saw it the second time, I even saw my back yard where I had seen the vision the first time.

Eventually, I gave my life to Jesus. But then, prophetic declarations started coming out of my mouth without me realizing it. Eventually I figured out what was happening, but I could not figure out how to tell if they were from me, God, or the devil. People even started telling me I have the voice of an angel when I sang in church, or strangers would come up to me and tell me my prophesies were coming true in their lives. I couldn't even remember who they were let alone what I had said to them. These things were happening to me during a time in my life when my heart was completely dull and unaware that God was attempting to reach out to me in some way. Go figure! To-doot, to-doot, to-doot. "Are you still so dull?"Jesus would ask His followers. Yes, I can really relate.

During this time, I could not read the Bible and remember even a single paragraph no matter how many times I re-read that paragraph. I would cry on Harley's shoulder's begging him to explain God's words to me so I could understand and be a part of what God was doing with him to no avail. I could not even memorize scriptures longer than a day or two. But, for 17 and a half years I plodded along reading the Bible and praying one day at a time.

By the time visions started happening to me at IHOP-KC in the spring of 2004, I finally started feeling like I was actually one of the gang and I belonged somewhere. God had not made me into a freak even though I had been rejected by so many people through the years. I even started to believe that this is what being a Christian was all about and it was normal...

Now, more than 14 years after that demon was cast out in 2004, I've come to recognize the scriptures which describe my spiritual "symptoms" as common with demon possessed individuals. Christianity in American can have a tendency to shove that topic under the rug so they don't have to deal with failure to cast them out of people. I've even met pastors who have admitted they struggle with the same symptoms I've had prior to 1/04. My lack of ability to discern demonic influences in my own thoughts vanished the moment I was baptized in the HOLY SPIRIT and with FIRE. It is now very easy to recognize where words (spirits) come from even when they are not heard by the human ear. The word of God no longer gets taken away from me. And best of all, God's love sticks inside my heart like an unmovable brick wall of love.

Copyright (c) 2017 by Diane Pebley All rights reserved, no use granted without the express written permission of the author, Diane Pebley